Another Good One

Today is a good day so far. I wonder why I've been feeling so much better? If this trend continues I just might be able to dig myself out of this hole and get back in shape. This morning I figured out *finally* how to deal with some of the voices that plague me. I seem to have a part that doesn't do anything other than repeat words, sometimes pronouncing them as they were 'spelled'. It's like a psychotic parrot or something. I always knew it was there but it was quieter until they started triggering me. 

Anyways, it's a relief to understand this because I've been stressed out for a long time living with a part of myself that refuses to be reasoned with or to ever freaking shut up. It's like having my handlers in my head 24/7 repeating their agenda over and over again. Here's hoping, too, that I never feel compelled to notice and decode another license plate ever again, either. 

These bizarre activities go back to early programming when I was being taught a way for the group to communicate without being physically present. It's like a form of advertising in one's everyday, natural environment. Letters, numbers and phonemes were all assigned secondary and even tertiary meanings, interpreted in a context specific way. Those meanings were then available everywhere because words are everywhere. It only takes one trauma during learning the word or the alternate interpretation to make the Pavlovian response take hold. 

For instance, one perpetrator might say "Isn't it weird how the word 'Asplundh' almost sounds like 'ass plunder'?' before doing the evil deed. They'd do something like this already knowing full well that a construction project would be about to start in my neighborhood and that the 'Asplundh' company would have its concrete trucks driving by frequently.  So, the part of me that knows these things sees these words and just repeats them. Ass plunder! Ass plunder! Then I start to think about the people who thought this way and get very irritated. 

But now that I've identified this part for the robot that it is, I feel a lot more in control. I'm currently reprogramming it to repeat positive things. I know this may make me sound certifiable, but that's the side effects of dealing with the C.I.A. (Certifiably Insane Assholes).