I feel like I've started this blog in a vacuum and only scratched the surface of what I could say. But I don't want this to turn into a public diary. Although I can only report from personal experience, I think it would help a lot more people if those who read this blog can propose topics for future posts and/or ask questions.
So, if you have experience in this area or are just curious about it, please feel free to leave a comment or contact the author at mkultrafacts@gmail.com
Tuesday, August 16, 2016
Saturday, August 6, 2016
Knowing Who and What to Believe
I want to take some time here to talk about belief. It is difficult for many survivors and for people who support them or are researching mind control to believe some of the things that come up. It isn't hard to understand why this is the case. To pass the proof test you usually need hard evidence.
Herein lies the problem...many survivors recover memories years after the fact and the information they provide at that point can only be labeled as anecdotal. I can relate to this based on my own memories. I can recall many situations where I would have wanted to contact the police or FBI but didn't and couldn't due to my young age. This means that the perpetrators get away with it and whatever physical evidence might have existed has long since vanished.
Let me give you an example that ties in to the more fantastical things that some survivors say. Often you'll hear a survivor mentioning specific people in government, entertainment, etc. and sometimes reference specific false flag operations we knew about.
The average person would say "I don't believe you met this person. Why would someone of such high status put themselves at risk and, furthermore, what possible connection could they have to your family?"
And I'll be honest, although it stings, I fully support this type of skepticism because it protects non-cult group members from being dragged in. It also challenges someone like me to dig a little deeper and find the connections that will convince the skeptic. In other words, I have tried to be as skeptical as possible about my own memories until I reached the point that I couldn't doubt them and the only thing left for me to do is figure out what was going on and how I could prove this to anyone else.
The conclusion I've come to is that I alone cannot convince anyone of anything. I have many friends who are fellow survivors, we were trafficked together as children, yet they do not remember me. I remember them. It would help me for them to remember but it might not be good for them. I have tried in the past to test my friends' memories to see what they remember. Very few remember things we've been through together, yet they still act out the programming by saying what they told me they were programmed to say if I tried to pull down an amnesia barrier. Some who do remember pieces of events only remember the first few minutes and have created screen memories suggesting that everything ended well.
For me, this is very frustrating and isolating but I tell myself that there is a reason. My friends may not be ready to undergo the type of memory work I'm doing. They might need a different environment, different types of support. So, while it would help to be validated by talking to someone who went through these things with me, I know I can't force the issue for selfish reasons. I'll admit I've come close a few times....to the point where I've laid out every possible trigger, while holding back from telling others what I know about their and my childhoods.
The result is always the same. Either they don't remember at all or they remember a fragment yet believe that we fought off the bad guys and lived happily ever after. Even in the moments we were being assaulted, this was by design. Often, in their alter states, they would say such things as "X years from now when you start remembering this, don't try to talk to me about it. I'm not going to remember it. Even if you bring up the fly on the wall they're going to make me stare at while they assault me."
That's an interesting thing to say, isn't it? It isn't your friend's words, it is that of the handler. It's almost like a dare. Go ahead and bring that up and see if it gets you anywhere. Usually something like that gets you nowhere and the only way to wake anyone up is to approach them like a sibling or other family member. A direct confrontation about the abuse. And this is why it's difficult for survivors to wake each other up. You would have to go to your friend and say "Your father was a pedophile, your mom was on drugs, you were sexually trafficked, and it's still happening."
If they are living a good life it will be difficult for them to want to confront that information. They may never do it. If they have kids, it turns into a generational problem.
I think back to the time I was around 6 or 7 years old. My own mother was trapped by her family history and didn't know how to leave the situation we were all in. I had been filmed for another child porn movie the night before and subsequently had a dream involving a lightning bolt splitting the tree of life. When I woke up from it, I looked out my bedroom window and saw that my mother and brother were outside in the front yard having a heated discussion about something.
Seeking comfort, I got dressed and went outside. By that time, my brother had taken off for work. I told my mom about my dream and she said "None of that stuff is real. It's just what they're doing to control you about...what they're going to do." I asked what that was and what she was so worried about. She said "These people are thinking about taking down some office buildings in New York about 21 years from now. They want to hit them with planes. I don't know if I believe it. I don't really want to believe it."
And there you have it. Anecdotal evidence of the 9/11conspiracy dating as far back as 1980. But only if you believe the stories of survivors who have been cheated of proof. If I were to ask her about it now, she would say she doesn't remember this just as she doesn't remember the 1,000+ times I was trafficked. I would literally have to tear my own mother apart to bring down her walls as a witness. And to satisfy the skeptics, I have to tear my own self apart to dredge up memories of people, places and names that someone could connect through traditional research in a public library. To create more evidence and a whole chorus of people such as myself, I would have to bring emotional chaos into the lives of friends who survived along with me. For this reason, I say that I alone..none of us alone..can ever bring the truth to light. Those who research this subject must double down and put enough threatening (in terms of exposure) information out there that we reach a critical mass that forces our own government to come clean. Until then, enjoy Disneyland.
Herein lies the problem...many survivors recover memories years after the fact and the information they provide at that point can only be labeled as anecdotal. I can relate to this based on my own memories. I can recall many situations where I would have wanted to contact the police or FBI but didn't and couldn't due to my young age. This means that the perpetrators get away with it and whatever physical evidence might have existed has long since vanished.
Let me give you an example that ties in to the more fantastical things that some survivors say. Often you'll hear a survivor mentioning specific people in government, entertainment, etc. and sometimes reference specific false flag operations we knew about.
The average person would say "I don't believe you met this person. Why would someone of such high status put themselves at risk and, furthermore, what possible connection could they have to your family?"
And I'll be honest, although it stings, I fully support this type of skepticism because it protects non-cult group members from being dragged in. It also challenges someone like me to dig a little deeper and find the connections that will convince the skeptic. In other words, I have tried to be as skeptical as possible about my own memories until I reached the point that I couldn't doubt them and the only thing left for me to do is figure out what was going on and how I could prove this to anyone else.
The conclusion I've come to is that I alone cannot convince anyone of anything. I have many friends who are fellow survivors, we were trafficked together as children, yet they do not remember me. I remember them. It would help me for them to remember but it might not be good for them. I have tried in the past to test my friends' memories to see what they remember. Very few remember things we've been through together, yet they still act out the programming by saying what they told me they were programmed to say if I tried to pull down an amnesia barrier. Some who do remember pieces of events only remember the first few minutes and have created screen memories suggesting that everything ended well.
For me, this is very frustrating and isolating but I tell myself that there is a reason. My friends may not be ready to undergo the type of memory work I'm doing. They might need a different environment, different types of support. So, while it would help to be validated by talking to someone who went through these things with me, I know I can't force the issue for selfish reasons. I'll admit I've come close a few times....to the point where I've laid out every possible trigger, while holding back from telling others what I know about their and my childhoods.
The result is always the same. Either they don't remember at all or they remember a fragment yet believe that we fought off the bad guys and lived happily ever after. Even in the moments we were being assaulted, this was by design. Often, in their alter states, they would say such things as "X years from now when you start remembering this, don't try to talk to me about it. I'm not going to remember it. Even if you bring up the fly on the wall they're going to make me stare at while they assault me."
That's an interesting thing to say, isn't it? It isn't your friend's words, it is that of the handler. It's almost like a dare. Go ahead and bring that up and see if it gets you anywhere. Usually something like that gets you nowhere and the only way to wake anyone up is to approach them like a sibling or other family member. A direct confrontation about the abuse. And this is why it's difficult for survivors to wake each other up. You would have to go to your friend and say "Your father was a pedophile, your mom was on drugs, you were sexually trafficked, and it's still happening."
If they are living a good life it will be difficult for them to want to confront that information. They may never do it. If they have kids, it turns into a generational problem.
I think back to the time I was around 6 or 7 years old. My own mother was trapped by her family history and didn't know how to leave the situation we were all in. I had been filmed for another child porn movie the night before and subsequently had a dream involving a lightning bolt splitting the tree of life. When I woke up from it, I looked out my bedroom window and saw that my mother and brother were outside in the front yard having a heated discussion about something.
Seeking comfort, I got dressed and went outside. By that time, my brother had taken off for work. I told my mom about my dream and she said "None of that stuff is real. It's just what they're doing to control you about...what they're going to do." I asked what that was and what she was so worried about. She said "These people are thinking about taking down some office buildings in New York about 21 years from now. They want to hit them with planes. I don't know if I believe it. I don't really want to believe it."
And there you have it. Anecdotal evidence of the 9/11conspiracy dating as far back as 1980. But only if you believe the stories of survivors who have been cheated of proof. If I were to ask her about it now, she would say she doesn't remember this just as she doesn't remember the 1,000+ times I was trafficked. I would literally have to tear my own mother apart to bring down her walls as a witness. And to satisfy the skeptics, I have to tear my own self apart to dredge up memories of people, places and names that someone could connect through traditional research in a public library. To create more evidence and a whole chorus of people such as myself, I would have to bring emotional chaos into the lives of friends who survived along with me. For this reason, I say that I alone..none of us alone..can ever bring the truth to light. Those who research this subject must double down and put enough threatening (in terms of exposure) information out there that we reach a critical mass that forces our own government to come clean. Until then, enjoy Disneyland.
Monday, August 1, 2016
I have been posting at random based on what comes to mind and will probably continue to do so until I have an actual readership for this blog who can ask me to speak about specific topics. One thing I would like to address is what it feels like when you first go into the Monarch program and how it affects your early years.
First, some background...
My memory work leads me to believe a few things. The first is that both my parents as well as their parents, extended relatives, etc, were victims of multi-generational abuse. Some of them were involved in organized criminal activity. And many of them were also in the military. It seems like there was some type of cross-over between military service, CIA connections and organized crime connections.
It also seems like there only needs to be one thread pulled. If even any one person meets all criteria, then they are like the catalyst that gets the entire family involved in the MK Ultra program. To be honest, the higher level researchers are kind of lazy. It is too risky to just go out and point to someone and say "I want to put you in this and study you." It is easier to choose people from families where bad things are already happening.
In my case, it seems that certain people were involved in organized crime and some of those people were former Air Force and possibly CIA, but with an affection for Communism. The rest of the family tried to live it's life while these people continued to go deeper and deeper into the rabbit hole they were creating for themselves. It was inevitable that they would get the rest of the family held hostage to the system.
I know that things went on with my older siblings who have, respectively, 14 and 12 years age difference on me. I can remember being in a motel room and, prior to being assaulted, one of the perpetrators said "This is the same place we used to take your sister. at your age."
It is hard to piece together because it seems that there are always degrees of involvement. It seems to me that my siblings were abused but not to the same extent that I was. I don't know if that is because things weren't as intense for them at the time in terms of who was involved or whether their personal psychological make up just didn't fit what the programmers were looking for.
Speaking to that idea, there is a memory I have from when I was really young..under the age of 7. I was with my mom, laying in the grass and looking at the clouds. She was teaching me to find shapes in the clouds.Not hard for her to do since she is very visual and loves art. She said to me "Your sister didn't really have it. Your brother sort of had it. He has trapped a lot of monarch butterflies. That's what you're going into. It's called the monarch program."
I'm just sort of summarizing here, those may not be her exact words. The impression I got at the time was that there was something special going on that had to do with willingly participating in unusual research into human behavior. It made sense to me as a child. Based on what she was saying I could understand my sister not wanting to behave clinically. I could understand my brother being more open to scientific exploration. But what I could not understand was what in the @#$%! I had to do with it.
My sister was being trafficked. My brother was being trained into the typical male role of trafficker and programmer. What was I being trained to be?
But this is where some of the first stages of programming may have kicked in as I was told I had something that these people wanted. I was my mother and father on steroids. Seeing images where there were none. Longing for nature and the past without a clear sense of the future. Making split second survival decisions without regard for the consequences.
Would I be like them? Probably. If someone came along and forced me to be. Whatever you do as a parent, your kids aren't you until they are forced to behave the way you would. That's part genetics and part your guidance, but I digress for now.
The important thing is that I was introduced to Monarch by my own mother in the context of us just relaxing and enjoying the sky. This was a learning moment. I did not forget what it meant to find shapes and pictures in otherwise ambiguous objects. Many trauma sessions that followed put me in situations where I would seek out something visually familiar....maybe I'm getting assaulted on the bathroom floor and decide to focus on the weird wall paper in the room...maybe I'm staring at the popcorn ceiling and decide to find patterns in the bumps. As jaded as it sounds, it's something to do while the adult who is abusing you "finishes'.
These types of visuals are what the programmers can use to trigger you in other environments. It is pretty hard to avoid seeing shapes or words in things like popcorn ceilings, old wood, or any ambiguous visual field. You may not know that you are seeing it. But their goal is for everything around you to remind you of past trauma whether you feel up to remembering or not. Go grocery shopping, go to the doctor, go see a friend, It doesn't matter, Triggers are there visually. They're probably there in what you listen to on the radio. In street signs. License plates. It doesn't matter. If they are determined, then your whole existence is one big trigger.
Eventually, the programmers and other perps don't even have to be in your life anymore for the triggers to keep working. To the extent that you haven't healed the past, you will see it all around you in the present. You could pick up and leave a familiar place, start over, but it won't matter until you deal with the triggers on a language/image level. These people can and will use predictive programming and expose you to future movies, music, tv shows, news stores, crossword puzzles, books you might want to read...to where it's like your whole world has turned into an aquarium over which they have ultimate control. What seems like a new, fun movie or tv show to your neighbor is actually something created 20-30 years ago and the CIA will expose you to the content and associate triggers with it, ensuring it still bothers you decades later when you're just looking for some mindless distraction.
You might say "Well, I'll do something else then. Something physical. Maybe I'll start a garden." If they expect this from you, they will have already layered in irritants about this, too. Perhaps you will hear them making lewd, suggestive comments about past trauma whenever you have to "bend over" to work in the garden. It's something that normally wouldn't bother you, but can definitely become an issue if you are being actively triggered by them to start remembering the past.
More specifically, there are many hobbies and activities I have enjoyed over the years without any stress up until I reached the date that my 'deterioration program' was scheduled to begin. Since then, it has been difficult for me to just do me without hearing their secondary running commentary about everything I'm doing.
In order to defeat this type of programming you really have to find a way to advance in life. Move up the ladder, so to speak. But since that is exactly what they don't want you to do, it can feel very difficult at times. If your programming is tied to a place or a work issue that requires money and years of experience to escape...it's a pretty dire situation. If that's where you are, as I am, all I can say is pray for the best. If you're just stuck around triggering individuals, however, you've got it a lot better. It is much easier to end a relationship than to escape the cycle of poverty. But ending certain relationship may be key to ending the cycle of poverty as well, especially if you're dependent.
Sadly, in my case, I could've moved to the North Pole and the CIA still would have found me, raped me and programmed me, left me a hollow shell, and then pointed and laughed at how I'd given up the love of my complicit family.
This level of control is why we need disclosure. I'm sure there are other people out there who have had their lives totally manipulated. Some day the truth will be known. It may not set me free in time, but maybe someone else won't have to go through this.
First, some background...
My memory work leads me to believe a few things. The first is that both my parents as well as their parents, extended relatives, etc, were victims of multi-generational abuse. Some of them were involved in organized criminal activity. And many of them were also in the military. It seems like there was some type of cross-over between military service, CIA connections and organized crime connections.
It also seems like there only needs to be one thread pulled. If even any one person meets all criteria, then they are like the catalyst that gets the entire family involved in the MK Ultra program. To be honest, the higher level researchers are kind of lazy. It is too risky to just go out and point to someone and say "I want to put you in this and study you." It is easier to choose people from families where bad things are already happening.
In my case, it seems that certain people were involved in organized crime and some of those people were former Air Force and possibly CIA, but with an affection for Communism. The rest of the family tried to live it's life while these people continued to go deeper and deeper into the rabbit hole they were creating for themselves. It was inevitable that they would get the rest of the family held hostage to the system.
I know that things went on with my older siblings who have, respectively, 14 and 12 years age difference on me. I can remember being in a motel room and, prior to being assaulted, one of the perpetrators said "This is the same place we used to take your sister. at your age."
It is hard to piece together because it seems that there are always degrees of involvement. It seems to me that my siblings were abused but not to the same extent that I was. I don't know if that is because things weren't as intense for them at the time in terms of who was involved or whether their personal psychological make up just didn't fit what the programmers were looking for.
Speaking to that idea, there is a memory I have from when I was really young..under the age of 7. I was with my mom, laying in the grass and looking at the clouds. She was teaching me to find shapes in the clouds.Not hard for her to do since she is very visual and loves art. She said to me "Your sister didn't really have it. Your brother sort of had it. He has trapped a lot of monarch butterflies. That's what you're going into. It's called the monarch program."
I'm just sort of summarizing here, those may not be her exact words. The impression I got at the time was that there was something special going on that had to do with willingly participating in unusual research into human behavior. It made sense to me as a child. Based on what she was saying I could understand my sister not wanting to behave clinically. I could understand my brother being more open to scientific exploration. But what I could not understand was what in the @#$%! I had to do with it.
My sister was being trafficked. My brother was being trained into the typical male role of trafficker and programmer. What was I being trained to be?
But this is where some of the first stages of programming may have kicked in as I was told I had something that these people wanted. I was my mother and father on steroids. Seeing images where there were none. Longing for nature and the past without a clear sense of the future. Making split second survival decisions without regard for the consequences.
Would I be like them? Probably. If someone came along and forced me to be. Whatever you do as a parent, your kids aren't you until they are forced to behave the way you would. That's part genetics and part your guidance, but I digress for now.
The important thing is that I was introduced to Monarch by my own mother in the context of us just relaxing and enjoying the sky. This was a learning moment. I did not forget what it meant to find shapes and pictures in otherwise ambiguous objects. Many trauma sessions that followed put me in situations where I would seek out something visually familiar....maybe I'm getting assaulted on the bathroom floor and decide to focus on the weird wall paper in the room...maybe I'm staring at the popcorn ceiling and decide to find patterns in the bumps. As jaded as it sounds, it's something to do while the adult who is abusing you "finishes'.
These types of visuals are what the programmers can use to trigger you in other environments. It is pretty hard to avoid seeing shapes or words in things like popcorn ceilings, old wood, or any ambiguous visual field. You may not know that you are seeing it. But their goal is for everything around you to remind you of past trauma whether you feel up to remembering or not. Go grocery shopping, go to the doctor, go see a friend, It doesn't matter, Triggers are there visually. They're probably there in what you listen to on the radio. In street signs. License plates. It doesn't matter. If they are determined, then your whole existence is one big trigger.
Eventually, the programmers and other perps don't even have to be in your life anymore for the triggers to keep working. To the extent that you haven't healed the past, you will see it all around you in the present. You could pick up and leave a familiar place, start over, but it won't matter until you deal with the triggers on a language/image level. These people can and will use predictive programming and expose you to future movies, music, tv shows, news stores, crossword puzzles, books you might want to read...to where it's like your whole world has turned into an aquarium over which they have ultimate control. What seems like a new, fun movie or tv show to your neighbor is actually something created 20-30 years ago and the CIA will expose you to the content and associate triggers with it, ensuring it still bothers you decades later when you're just looking for some mindless distraction.
You might say "Well, I'll do something else then. Something physical. Maybe I'll start a garden." If they expect this from you, they will have already layered in irritants about this, too. Perhaps you will hear them making lewd, suggestive comments about past trauma whenever you have to "bend over" to work in the garden. It's something that normally wouldn't bother you, but can definitely become an issue if you are being actively triggered by them to start remembering the past.
More specifically, there are many hobbies and activities I have enjoyed over the years without any stress up until I reached the date that my 'deterioration program' was scheduled to begin. Since then, it has been difficult for me to just do me without hearing their secondary running commentary about everything I'm doing.
In order to defeat this type of programming you really have to find a way to advance in life. Move up the ladder, so to speak. But since that is exactly what they don't want you to do, it can feel very difficult at times. If your programming is tied to a place or a work issue that requires money and years of experience to escape...it's a pretty dire situation. If that's where you are, as I am, all I can say is pray for the best. If you're just stuck around triggering individuals, however, you've got it a lot better. It is much easier to end a relationship than to escape the cycle of poverty. But ending certain relationship may be key to ending the cycle of poverty as well, especially if you're dependent.
Sadly, in my case, I could've moved to the North Pole and the CIA still would have found me, raped me and programmed me, left me a hollow shell, and then pointed and laughed at how I'd given up the love of my complicit family.
This level of control is why we need disclosure. I'm sure there are other people out there who have had their lives totally manipulated. Some day the truth will be known. It may not set me free in time, but maybe someone else won't have to go through this.
The Art of Remembering: Your Story, Other Surivors Stories
I was reading through a couple of interviews with MK Ultra survivor Kathleen Sullivan this evening. If you would like to read them, the links are here:
Hidden Mysteries: An Interview with Kathleen Sullivan
Democratic Undergound: Interview with Kathleen Sullivan
One thing I really liked was how straightforward she was about her experiences as well as the fact that she knew to draw boundaries around possible interpretations others might make about those experiences.
What struck me the most, though, were her comments on 'memory contamination.' As I read her story, I recognized a lot of the same tactics and experiences in our shared state as survivors, but from a very general perspective. She has her memories, I have mine. Her belief is that survivors should not share explicit details about memories or read the stories of other survivors prior to doing their own memory work. She believes that this might contaminate one's own recall. She shared a story about having a memory come up and hearing that another survivor experienced a similar trauma - at which point she started to feel that she could not separate the two memories.
Personally, I believe that this is a very individual thing. I also believe that it can be useful to find out someone else experienced a similar trauma if for no other reason than the perpetrators are somewhat like robots and prefer to use the same methods over and over again. It is entirely possible for them to do to you what they did to someone else. Perhaps that person will remember more details of the process than you do. That doesn't mean you are making it up. It just means that they can help you fill in the gaps.
The details are good for forensic and legal purposes, and I don't think people should trouble themselves about whether what they recall is true, regardless of whether it took the prompting of a fellow survivor to jog their memory. What's important for healing is how YOU felt. What did the experience say to you? How did you feel about yourself, your family, your friends, your handlers, etc? What belief entered your mind at the time and how is it affecting your life?
When I think of this idea of memory contamination I am drawn to parallels involving things like war and natural disasters. Maybe you were out in the middle of hurricane Katrina while someone else was holed away in their house. You remember running to the public shelter where the whole roof collapsed. Your friend remembers being inside their basement listening to radio reports. This does not mean that hurricane Katrina didn't happen.
It only means that you and your friend share an experience of a common, violent episode and you both had your own experience of it from a sensory standpoint. For someone to say that either or both of your memories is false is to deny the very heart of human experience through the senses. But this is what people do to Monarch/MK Ultra survivors. For us, the person in the basement listening to the radio was just imagining a disaster outside, having a bad dream, while the person seeing the roof cave in on the stadium must have an accurate memory because their experience was more intense and can be verified by outside sources.
That said, I can understand why Kathleen Sullivan feels the way she does. There's a dearth of accurate reporting and a dearth of treatment programs. The more you know about what you've been through, the more hesitant you are to say anything that leads another survivor down the wrong path. This won't be resolved until the truth comes out in a big way. For now, it does make sense to take a conservative approach in one's own retelling of this type of information.
I do my best in balancing that line with the things I post, however, I am a bit of a loudmouth and feel the need to push the boundaries just a bit. What I am starting to believe is that the truth will set you free. It is not programming to tell the truth about any experience. I have a memory and here is that memory. The only thing that should trigger anyone else is the extent of their own amnesia. This is something that one person cannot plan for and that is why I'd say 'read with risk in mind" as you read this blog. My memories may trigger yours and you need to be ready to deal with what comes up. If you feel like the information is too stressful, you should definitely take a break from it.
That is what I have done as I've explored this topic.It isn't always easy but I usually know when I am reading something that just isn't sitting right with me. If you start to feel exhausted when you are reading about this subject, give yourself a break. The fact is that it will probably draw you back at some point and you can pick up from there.
Hidden Mysteries: An Interview with Kathleen Sullivan
Democratic Undergound: Interview with Kathleen Sullivan
One thing I really liked was how straightforward she was about her experiences as well as the fact that she knew to draw boundaries around possible interpretations others might make about those experiences.
What struck me the most, though, were her comments on 'memory contamination.' As I read her story, I recognized a lot of the same tactics and experiences in our shared state as survivors, but from a very general perspective. She has her memories, I have mine. Her belief is that survivors should not share explicit details about memories or read the stories of other survivors prior to doing their own memory work. She believes that this might contaminate one's own recall. She shared a story about having a memory come up and hearing that another survivor experienced a similar trauma - at which point she started to feel that she could not separate the two memories.
Personally, I believe that this is a very individual thing. I also believe that it can be useful to find out someone else experienced a similar trauma if for no other reason than the perpetrators are somewhat like robots and prefer to use the same methods over and over again. It is entirely possible for them to do to you what they did to someone else. Perhaps that person will remember more details of the process than you do. That doesn't mean you are making it up. It just means that they can help you fill in the gaps.
The details are good for forensic and legal purposes, and I don't think people should trouble themselves about whether what they recall is true, regardless of whether it took the prompting of a fellow survivor to jog their memory. What's important for healing is how YOU felt. What did the experience say to you? How did you feel about yourself, your family, your friends, your handlers, etc? What belief entered your mind at the time and how is it affecting your life?
When I think of this idea of memory contamination I am drawn to parallels involving things like war and natural disasters. Maybe you were out in the middle of hurricane Katrina while someone else was holed away in their house. You remember running to the public shelter where the whole roof collapsed. Your friend remembers being inside their basement listening to radio reports. This does not mean that hurricane Katrina didn't happen.
It only means that you and your friend share an experience of a common, violent episode and you both had your own experience of it from a sensory standpoint. For someone to say that either or both of your memories is false is to deny the very heart of human experience through the senses. But this is what people do to Monarch/MK Ultra survivors. For us, the person in the basement listening to the radio was just imagining a disaster outside, having a bad dream, while the person seeing the roof cave in on the stadium must have an accurate memory because their experience was more intense and can be verified by outside sources.
That said, I can understand why Kathleen Sullivan feels the way she does. There's a dearth of accurate reporting and a dearth of treatment programs. The more you know about what you've been through, the more hesitant you are to say anything that leads another survivor down the wrong path. This won't be resolved until the truth comes out in a big way. For now, it does make sense to take a conservative approach in one's own retelling of this type of information.
I do my best in balancing that line with the things I post, however, I am a bit of a loudmouth and feel the need to push the boundaries just a bit. What I am starting to believe is that the truth will set you free. It is not programming to tell the truth about any experience. I have a memory and here is that memory. The only thing that should trigger anyone else is the extent of their own amnesia. This is something that one person cannot plan for and that is why I'd say 'read with risk in mind" as you read this blog. My memories may trigger yours and you need to be ready to deal with what comes up. If you feel like the information is too stressful, you should definitely take a break from it.
That is what I have done as I've explored this topic.It isn't always easy but I usually know when I am reading something that just isn't sitting right with me. If you start to feel exhausted when you are reading about this subject, give yourself a break. The fact is that it will probably draw you back at some point and you can pick up from there.
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