A Rare Good Day

At this point in recovery, having also been targeted and, in fact, seen much of the targeting associated with memory recovery, it is rare when I feel like I'm having a really nice day. Maybe other T.I.'s can relate to this. It's like I've been driven down to the point of asking "what did I do differently? Or, what did I do to deserve this?"  As much as I know some of my experience is probably self-generated, there have also been some moments that were just too specific not to be staged.

What I feel I became most sensitized to is other people's rude and reckless behavior. Too many people trying to get into wrecks with me on the road. Too many people glaring, walking almost into me at times. Everything that used to be simpler, even if it was sometimes annoying, became five times harder. I've spent years now fighting against this perception. I tried varying my routine, going to different stores, doing things at different times of day. None of it seemed to matter. There were triggers waiting for me everywhere I went. Try to avoid one at one place and walk right into an equally (if not more) aggravating one somewhere else.

But today has been blissfully quiet. There was virtually no traffic. Everyone I encountered from the vet's to the grocery store had a smile on their face. It was so noticeably different and I felt better and lighter than I have in months.  In fact, a woman I had just met at my vet's office showed up at the same time as me at Wal Mart. I saw her at the checkout and said hello. She came over and gave me a big hug and said "It's not a coincidence."   So what changed today? It almost seems like I'm being positively targeted.

It feels good and is a huge relief. I just worry that it's the usual way my handlers set up giving me a few breaks in order to keep me slogging away at surviving until they're done with me. I don't like thinking that way because I might be contributing somehow; but at the same time I've learned over the years to be prepared for anything. If the stress isn't in my immediate life it usually ends up being something in the news that has its own set of triggers and potential to dredge up more memories. 

I'll do my best but I really need a nice long vacation.