Other Memories of Holly

I've been really grateful to reconnect with Holly and share what I remember. She seems to be happy about it, too. I had shared my earlier post along with a picture in a private message and she said she recognized the outfit I was wearing, that we had both been made to dress like that and she had been thinking about those colors. The first picture I sent is above.

I've been looking through other pics based on what she's told me so far and came across this:

I'm 9 or 10 in this. Pretty sure I was 9 still, which changes the timeline somewhat. Maybe I was close to turning 10. I sat and asked myself "Do I even know who took this picture?" Fragments start to come back. I'm pretty sure it was my friend Valerie. She came over about two weeks after the Bush-related programming that went on that included Holly. She brought it up and told me that I'd be going through some training as a teenager and then run through that training with Holly before they had her go through it with a different set of people. I thought this was very strange, the whole idea of it - and I guess you (or at least I) can kind of see that in my demeanor in this image.  I was zoning out and trying to focus on my hamster.  I didn't want to hear that my life was not my own. I didn't want to hear about war.

I also didn't want Valerie to be a part of it in any way, even though I slowly came to rely on the secrets she passed to me in a tone of total bemusement, much like my Aunt Shirley (and really all of my family) used to do. It was like we were all a bunch of jokers when we talked about what was going on, except I was the one with no sense of humor about it. My humor always ran contrary to my orders. I probably would've said "Nah, I'm going to be too busy being a rock star."  And I would have totally believed it.

One thing I'm pretty sure about is that when Holly and I met again as teenagers, our handlers said "Y'all are going through everything twice."   This was true. I went through my own program then I went through some of the things that they wanted to teach to Holly. By the time they put us together, they had me running through the same scenarios with her, to help her get through them without too much anxiety. 

I am pretty sure that we went diving together and that I reminded her to blow on the scuba gear mouthpiece to restore oxygen when it had slipped out on her while we were swimming through a very claustrophobic tunnel of water out to sea. 

We also went through some type of hand-to-hand combat scenario where we had to fight our way to the top of a building and gain roof access to this hill where we could see a grid below that we had to access next. I know she has written of having memories of this location at a later age, which helps confirm what I was told about us being practice partners. 

I can't remember which one of us was determined to get down there but I can remember feeling utterly exhausted by that point. I don't know when they had started with her but I was at the tail end of a 6 month long process and hated every moment and every thing about it. I didn't want to be a good soldier or succeed or be clever. I really just wanted a rocket ship to come take us both to a different planet or start our lives over in better times. 

The  next thing I can remember right now is portal related programming. They made me stand and watch while my father supposedly sent her through a "portal". We were in a desert-like environment with caves. He had thrown something to the ground. Possibly a screwdriver? And made her run out there to get it. It was like anti-programming actually. Here's a tool, pick it up.  Realize this situation is bullshit and everyone is getting screwed by it. 

I realize this may be in the wrong order due to being fragmented but I'm certain that Holly and I, along with Charlotte, Holly's "mom" (? or step mom?), someone who was either James Cabolt's real dad or Michael Aquino (no way to know or take their word because he was a stranger and all of James' supposed fathers look like him and have a similar physical build), Ron Paul and other handlers were all together at the farmhouse where Holly currently lives. Holly, if you're reading this, please don't freak out about it. I believe you are safe there right now. It's just that some of your alters you haven't met yet might recognize the environment. They did the same thing to me. I'm currently living in a house I was assaulted in. That part sucks but the safety and warmth of of having a home outweighs it for now. 

That said I recognize the furniture in Holly's room. I don't know if it came pre-furnished or if she bought it herself but it's exactly like what they had in there in 1990. It's the room where we held each other before the guy who is either Casbolt's real dad or Michael Aquino came in and assaulted the both of us. After that, he made us fight. 

At some point, though, I feel like Holly and I were talking to or being talked to by a group of people that included Charlotte, Debra, possibly the friend who calls herself Eridice (?) interspersed by appearances by some of the men who were present.

Everything being said was related to how all of us would interact with each other in the future. It seemed like there was a big concern about me talking to Holly. The theme seemed to be that I wouldn't and shouldn't be allowed "in" if I didn't give up being Episcopalian and start viewing everything in terms of Yeshua. It really seemed off to me. It was as if I was being told that I had to use the same religious language as everyone else or it wouldn't count.

At some point, Holly and I were by ourselves again for a bit. They had prevented her from showering after what happened but finally she was allowed to take one. We stood in front of a full length mirror just like the one she recently took a picture in front of and she said something to me about not being sure if she could be friends with someone like me. Everyone had made a big deal about the trans thing and I think at the time Holly was a Baptist (?), or her grandparents had gotten her into some kind of Baptist youth group or summer camp. 

Another fragment....I'm outside with Charlotte. We're standing in front of a tractor while Holly examines it (I think similar to the one she would end up working on this year) and I'm not sure right now what we're talking about. I'm almost positive she's got glasses on. She strikes me as very intelligent. I can tell that she is pissed off about the whole situation. She seems to be counter-programming me to ignore the "don't talk to Holly" stuff. 

By counter-programming, I don't mean she told me to talk. Instead, it seems like she was telling me that it doesn't matter what I say, Holly is not going to remember. She's programmed not to for some reason. She tells me I'll think maybe Holly will remember the thing with the tractor and seems to imply that I'm an asshole for bringing it up whether she mentions it or not.

The next thing I can remember is that it's dark but the moon is out and I'm standing around with a guitar and Holly is there on some sort of platform a little above me. They had us writing a song together. Holly didn't seem to want to and was somewhat bashful about singing - but once I talked her into it..in fact..I think I pissed her off into singing..and she let loose...she was amazing. She completely surprised me with one very soulful flourish she added to the basic vocal melody we were playing with. 

This is where I am with the farm right now. I know that I left with Charlotte. My handlers said they needed to get me away from Michael Aquino...oh wait now it makes sense...they said Aquino was coming to the farm next but they "knew" I would be confused about whether he was the one who was there or whether it was Casbolt's real father. This was due to the programming they were doing on James that they for some reason allowed me to be privy to..the whole thing about Aquino being like a father figure to him. And the fact that they were both big guys. 

It's easy for that to deteriorate in memory and it's also just due to the practical facts of the situation. I was only 16. I didn't have access to this guy's driver's license. He could have been anyone and just saying he was the person whose name would be on everyone's lips in the future. You see how sneaky they are with that? If all special details of all special memories must be true, then we are truly screwed. 

It should be enough when us survivors remember each other and have nothing to do with whether we can play the game they've set up around James called "Who's Your Daddy?"