Undetectable?

Some food for thought as people explore their own memories. If you read the standard definition of an MK Ultra survivor at most online info sites, you usually see wording similar to "a program designed to create undetectable Manchurian Candidates" or something like that. 

You may eventually also see talk of "perfectly structured multiple personality disorder" or "complex DID" or "poly-fragmented".  The insinuation is that these tactics must somehow be so indecipherable that no one can ever understand them. Certainly, the average person will have difficulty helping a survivor piece through their memories and build a case for the purpose of the programming; but that is because no one is ready to believe the truly mundane ways these goals are accomplished. 

The devil is in the simplicity. Much of the real training is done on people (at least in my case) outside of formal settings. Although I did experience some time in the underground bases and also always had handlers at school, I also had family who could help with the training in the context of ordinary activities. 

I'll give you an example of how that was used to my benefit. One of my handlers informed me at a young age that there was at least one abuse scenario she'd already planned out for my teen years that she didn't think I'd survive. Even if I survived physically it might be too much psychologically. In order to get out of it, she said, I had to physically disable her. She told me she wanted me to learn how to throw knives so that I could land one right in her throat without killing her, only forcing her to go to the hospital so that the abuse couldn't be carried out. 

That would be information given to me in one context, around 1982. Of course, other traumas cover that conversation up. Meanwhile, however, my grandfather just happens to get me interested in learning how to whittle wood. This gets me comfortable with holding a knife and using it as a tool.

Once the neighbor boys up the street find out I have a knife, they start teaching me how to throw it and challenging me to target contests. My father just "happens to notice" and begins teaching me how to throw a knife and hit a target. We practice on the ground and on trees. Well, then I lose interest in knives for a couple of years. It's not until I'm around 12 or 13 that my handler gets me to start target practice again.  This goes on off and on a few months and again I lose interest. 

Finally, by the time I'm 16 and the time has come to get out of what's about to happen, they've already got me wearing an empty gun holster in which I've stored a knife. My handler is standing in the doorway of my bedroom. I'm back on the other side of my bed, as far into the corner of the room as I can go. I pull out the knife and, from a distance of about 6 or 7 feet, hurl it at her with swift yet medium force. It goes directly into the curve of her throat, like a tracheotomy. She chokes out "Ok, that was..a little deeper than I wanted...but I'm ok."  I escape that particular programming session. 

It still amazes me that she programmed this based on what seems to me as the bare minimum of practicing throwing knives. I have no idea how I hit the precise target. I could not do it consciously today unless I spent hours upon hours practicing intentionally hitting a target. Somehow, the precision was autonomically controlled while the conscious practice was only for the comfort of whoever would be co-conscious at the time. 

That was knives, let's talk about guns.

I was conditioned to accept guns the way most kids in the U.S. are - through toys. I had a lot of cap guns and spark guns and Star Wars style guns, etc. After a particularly bad round of abuse/ect, one of the mafia capos gave me a "ring gun" that could shoot real, small caliber bullets. In this case they were doing it as a way of appearing to offer power and control and then take it away. "Don't you wish you could shoot us", was the message. I remember wearing the gun ring, playing with it, and asking my mom if we had bullets for it. I know she did her usual frown of concern and said "No, they aren't going to let you do that. They aren't giving this to you for protection. Why would they? Wouldn't it make more sense for us to protect you? And your dad actually has a gun that he can't use either, so why would you get to shoot anybody?"

This continued through childhood in different ways. My older brother bought an air powered pellet gun that was no joke compared to what's out there today. This thing shot actual lead slugs. It could do more damage than a BB gun. It was an in-between step. 

All of this happened at the same time as the rare camping trips to my uncle's rural property, where my father began to teach me about real guns. By the time I was 14 I had become skilled with .22 rifles, semi automatic pistols and shot guns. I was great with a .22. I also got pretty good with the hand guns as my father taught me how to spin suddenly and target a single blade of grass with just a hand gun. I believe he had this type of training when he was in the Army. 

I guess the point I'm trying to make here is that from an outsider's perspective, there wouldn't be any red flags raised by someone relating a history of throwing knives with the boys and "going hunting with dad". 

It only starts to raise concerns when I'm able to say "You know, friend, the fabric of my life also included acting out hand-to-hand combat scenarios with my father while he was drunk, because that was just how he was. And I've participated in a lot of sports that require climbing and running, but doesn't everyone? I've been taught some advanced stuff and given classified info but must be too stupid to understand how it relates to the fact that my engineer father is obsessed with Nazis, my artist mother soothes herself with British dramadies, my brother faked his own death and my sister and her family are the next generation being targeted because I've witnessed the handlers I thought were only after me go after her and my nephew and brother in law."

It's all insidious and repetitive and they can accomplish much more than most people are aware of through the family system and every day life experiences. There's more to say about this but I feel like I need to reflect on it a bit more first.