Thoughts On Healing Left/Right Brain and Verbal/Non-Verbal Splits

For some reason today I've been thinking a lot about my youngest years, infancy to about 4 years old.
Many people say that they don't remember being a baby but I have a handful memories I'm certain are
from the ages of 2 to 3.

I'll share one and then roll it into the insight that it gave me. Around the age of 2 or 3, still in the crib,
I recall feeling some anxiety and couldn't really pinpoint the source. I remember very vividly in my mind
knowing that my parents were still up in the living room and that they would come for me if I cried or
screamed. On an emotional level I was debating with myself whether to call for them or just deal with
my anxiety until I fell asleep.

Well, screaming out for mom and dad won. My mouth opened and the cry echoed through the house in a way
that felt very detached from my body. I could hear the sound but couldn't believe it was coming out of
*me*. My father came in, picked me up, and sat me down with him and mom to watch football. I had never
seen a football game or football players before and thought that they were some type of robot.

I'm guessing now that I must have been 2 or 3 because I did have the language skills to know what
a robot was and say something about it to them. Still, the decision making process I went through
in my mind prior to deciding to call out to them seems, at least in memory, as if I possessed more
insight and knowledge within my senses than one would expect for that age. This is not to say I'm
'special' somehow, just that I'm thinking a lot about how people view children in terms of language
development alone while their internal reasoning states remain a mystery.

So, this is the insight that I had. In terms of splitting, and especially splitting in MK Ultra,
there are numerous reasons for creating left and right brain splits. I feel like what I experienced
is a good example of the reason why. My emotional and non-verbal reasoning were present on a more
developed level as a child. It was the learning of language (intentionally interfered with by the
program in a specific way) that helped create a barrier between perception, feeling and reality.

This makes sense when you think about the fact that people assign a lot of meaning and weight at
times to words, verbal logic, etc while devaluing the right brained emotional core. I more and more
believe that our *non-verbal* core is our source of insight and healing so long as we can reconnect
the left and right hemispheres in a way that allows for clearer expression of our experiences, moods,
beliefs, reactions..really anything that we want to open our mouths about.

This is especially true when working through amnesia. There have been times when my words to myself
and others about what I'm thinking and feeling *seem* accurate but aren't quite hitting the mark.
Yet, once trauma memories are recovered and the whole situation put into context, I'm finding that
my words are gaining a new power, clarity and accuracy. I KNOW what to say because I know what I
FEEL and also can hear what I'm THINKING about what I'm thinking and feeling. I can sit back and
watch the interplay between the two. I suppose this is similar to CBT and DBT modes of psychotherapy
except I'm practicing it on myself. Let's call it "the observing ego" with a brand new dictionary.

Can this way of working help other survivors? I believe that it can. I believe there is always
useful information present any time one is feeling out of sorts or at odds in terms of mood or
body sensations or both relative to how they *wish* they were feeling, what they wished they
were able to think about instead. If you get very quiet in this type of state you'll often
realize there are two currents: a feeling stream and a thought stream. When the two don't match
it's one of the main reasons for feeling overwhelmed, confused, moody, you name it.

I know it's easy to say with it and sometimes not so easy to do it. In that case, you may want
to try "moving with it" or finding a distraction. When I'm processing something nonverbally and
waiting for the right words to describe it, I usually listen to or play music, surf Facebook, play
with my dog, play with a fidget spinner, do housework, etc. It's important to be in the moment even
if you need a distraction. You could be, say, mopping the floor and think "I'm mopping but I'm still
aware of this uncomfortable feeling, but at least I am no longer sitting down and dwelling aimlessly
on it."  You may not get the insight you're looking for right away but if you keep moving and adding
variety to your day as you process things, it will get you there faster 99% of the time.

As always, though, some days are just crap. On those days, it's just as effective to do nothing
and ask yourself every hour or two "Do I want to continue vegging out or am I ok now?" Sometimes
we all need a little lazy holiday and some self care. Sometimes even a few hours of it will bring
back energy for the rest of the day. And when that doesn't happen? I've learned that there is
usually something phsyical going on, and that's normal, too. The only thing that can make it feel
better or worse are the thoughts I'm having about it.

Gangstalking

If you've never experienced gang-stalking, I'm envious! It is a tactic designed to drive the average person mad by there being a constant commentary on every aspect of self and lifestyle. Many people don't believe it happens or don't believe the usual explanation of HOW it happens (e.g., paid actors).


My experience so far tells me that it is the result of a mix of both intentionally planted individuals who know their job mixed with other TI's who are behaving just as robotically as I am.
I'll give you three examples that are difficult to explain away as mere coincidence. The worst of it usually happens when I'm shopping at the only game in town (Wal-Mart).


One day whilst going through the store I noticed my anxiety rising rapidly to the point of a panic attack. Other people around me had been getting into my personal space and/or staring and scowling as I walked through the store.
Right as I was about to bust I noticed a young man and woman quickly dart into the shoe section out of my sight. The next thing I heard was the man say, in a very flamboyant voice, "I'm having a flash baaaaack!!!"


In a separate incident, I had noticed my local oldies station playing Prince's "Raspberry Beret" a few days before. This is called priming a stimulus. I'm already trained to think of anal sex when I hear the lyric "She went in through the out door".
So what happens next? I'm going in through the in door at Wal-Mart when I recognize a past perpetrator going out through the in door. She turned and accused ME of going "in through the out door". I couldn't help myself that time. I turned and said something to her.


Third incident..I'd just woken up thinking about how my handler always said her method with me was to assault me anally (sorry, only word that's accurate) and then have someone else perform oral afterwards. She calls it "head butting". An hour or two after thinking about this, I'm back at Wal-Mart. A young woman and her mother stop alongside me as the young woman loudly complains about her "head ache". She says "I have a major HEAD ache, BUT(T) what can I do? I'm in Wal-Mart."


I wanted to turn around and tell her one thing she could do is not announce her issues within a 3 mile radius of total strangers, but figured she was totally innocent in what she was saying. That's one case where I think another TI was in place to trigger something we share in common.


The question that's always on my mind is....do people know my every movement or am I simply showing up at an exact place at an exact date and time that I was already programmed to years ago? I often feel it's the latter rather than the former. The reason is that it seems difficult to me to explain the tracking without going off the deep end.


I do have memories of people injecting me with syringes and chip guns and telling me they were putting a chip in my forearm. The problem is that I don't believe them. I feel like it's BS designed to make me paranoid about something that has a much simpler explanation. However, I'm also willing to be proven wrong. If it were as simple as an RFID chip, that would be a miracle. Take it out and no one knows where I am? Great!


But the other thing about targeting if you've been through a trauma based program is that your whole life has been planned for you in a one thing leads to another fashion from birth. It's like a race to get past them in developmental terms. If they are there influencing things like your 16th birthday, your high school graduation, where you go to college, your first job, etc, they pretty much have total control over your path.


For instance, at my first ever real job my manager was a woman who was forced to perpetrate against me in the past. We didn't recognize each other on the conscious level but the issue certainly played itself out on the subconscious level and I didn't last long at that job. This has been the case everywhere I've worked. One set of perps leads to another (and another job) whether the forgiveness is there or not.


All of this is hard on the survivor because the goal is total freedom, not to repeatedly swim in a pool of bad memories in every area of life. It gives the impression that the past has encircled you, is all around you and inescapable.


What the bulk of us really need is some power, money and respect but that's a whole separate topic! This is just a stream of consciousness post on this subject so I'll end here. Y'all stay safe!

How Prescription and Street Drugs Are Used in Programming

I'm going to do an interview soon on this topic and thought I'd collect some thoughts here first. I've made the font larger on this page so I hope it helps those who, like me, are getting a bit blind as we age, lol.

In general, I tend to put my drug experiences into categories. In other words, the handlers don't always use the same substances the same way. It really depends on the goal.

If the goal is for you not to remember where they took you, you probably will be given a sedative. If the goal is to confuse your memory, you will get a mix of uppers and downers so that you are both awake and impressionable at the same time. This also ties into base programming.

When it comes to the pornography and trafficking, their main goal is to suppress both memories and pain. More often than not, they will rely on the types of hypnotic sedatives you get at the dentist to do this, depending on who you are being trafficked to. If it is someone very paranoid, they might totally knock you out with something like Rohipnol or overdose you via insulin coma.



I was frequently sent into insulin coma once I reached a point where the usual drugs were no longer working. Looking back, even the other drugs didn't always work as intended. I'm one of those who remembers too much of the before, during and after. This may have been by design. I definitely have memories of my mother talking to me about a different drug the group wanted to try because of my tendency to remember the "before" part of abuse. Names, locations, conversations, etc..




But she was helping me simply by telling me that. I remember telling her one time "If this one takes 20 minutes to kick in instead of 15, then you're telling me I need to try as hard as possible to stay awake and record the additional 5 minutes."   She said "No, that's going to anger them."  I said "OK" and then proceeded to do exactly what I was told not to anyways.






When it comes to pure programming it seemed to me that they relied more on the types of drugs you could get through prescription even if they weren't on the market yet. When I was only about 7 years old I remember being given a combination of Seroquel and Adderal.  The Seroquel creates the hypnotic state and the amphetamine insures that you are still awake. 

They like this combo when you are doing grunt work for them and they want to layer in programming related to alien-human hybrid themes.To illustrate this, let me go into more detail about the memory because there is also a psychotronic weapon aspect to it

Around the age of 7 I was told that someone from the cult was working on a new type of floating point memory algorithm for the next generation of computer RAM. He was having trouble with the math related to the floating point number he had come up with, which was a long decimal number...something like 1.293848593e (I'm just making that up, I don't recall the actual number).

He needed to keep the number in bounds between positive and negative 3 in the program he was using, which was some type of software similar to Mathematica running on a Sinclair research computer or TRS 80 (this would've been about 1981).

So, I was dosed with the two drugs and then sat down in front of the computer while a desk fan blew air in my face. Their idea was that the drugged state along with the "wind" (note: Moriah's conquering wind is always available for about $20 usd at Wal Mart, lol).and the psychotronic aspects would cause me to believe I was in a UFO and not my bedroom.


I remember being quite groggy as the guy who wanted  the help was allowed to use the 'weapon' and tell me the floating point number. I'm certain it was him delivering the information despite the group having my mother tell me that it was my alien father "in heaven" talking to me directly through my DNA. 

I took the information and did what I thought I needed to do with the computer program. I answered the question the only way I could as a child. When he came in to see the results he glared at me while my mother asked if there was any way we could ever receive any credit or royalties just to help us in our own situation. Of course, the answer was no. Always has been (my mother and brother developed the first Photoshop plug-ins.)

But if you'd talked to me 3 days later it's quite possible some other aspect of the program was going on. It could've been a tranquilizer delivered odorlessly and tastelessly through my tea or soda. It took a while to realize that that's how they were dosing me for the trafficking. I started to pick up on that by around age 12, despite having known this since about 4. One of my uncle's had encouraged me to "drink your milk with the sleep aid" during one of my earliest trafficking memories - New Year's Eve of 1978 or so. 

It took a while for me to recall that as an older child and see that the info had always been there. I think that is what started another round of them struggling to figure out how to wipe my memory completely. It's that or my handlers were working counter to their own purposes just as they'd promised.

 

What Topics Do You Want to See Covered Here?

I feel like I've started this blog in a vacuum and only scratched the surface of what I could say. But I don't want this to turn into a public diary. Although I can only report from personal experience, I think it would help a lot more people if those who read this blog can propose topics for future posts and/or ask questions.

So, if you have experience in this area or are just curious about it, please feel free to leave a comment or contact the author at mkultrafacts@gmail.com

Knowing Who and What to Believe

I want to take some time here to talk about belief. It is difficult for many survivors and for people who support them or are researching mind control to believe some of the things that come up. It isn't hard to understand why this is the case. To pass the proof test you usually need hard evidence.

Herein lies the problem...many survivors recover memories years after the fact and the information they provide at that point can only be labeled as anecdotal. I can relate to this based on my own memories. I can recall many situations where I would have wanted to contact the police or FBI but didn't and couldn't due to my young age. This means that the perpetrators get away with it and whatever physical evidence might have existed has long since vanished.

Let me give you an example that ties in to the more fantastical things that some survivors say. Often you'll hear a survivor mentioning specific people in government, entertainment, etc. and sometimes reference specific false flag operations we knew about.

The average person would say "I don't believe you met this person. Why would someone of such high status put themselves at risk and, furthermore, what possible connection could they have to your family?"

And I'll be honest, although it stings, I fully support this type of skepticism because it protects non-cult group members from being dragged in. It also challenges someone like me to dig a little deeper and find the connections that will convince the skeptic. In other words, I have tried to be as skeptical as possible about my own memories until I reached the point that I couldn't doubt them and the only thing left for me to do is figure out what was going on and how I could prove this to anyone else.

The conclusion I've come to is that I alone cannot convince anyone of anything. I have many friends who are fellow survivors, we were trafficked together as children, yet they do not remember me. I remember them. It would help me for them to remember but it might not be good for them. I have tried in the past to test my friends' memories to see what they remember. Very few remember things we've been through together, yet they still act out the programming by saying what they told me they were programmed to say if I tried to pull down an amnesia barrier. Some who do remember pieces of events only remember the first few minutes and have created screen memories suggesting that everything ended well.

For me, this is very frustrating and isolating but I tell myself that there is a reason. My friends may not be ready to undergo the type of  memory work I'm doing. They might need a different environment, different types of support. So, while it would help to be validated by talking to someone who went through these things with me, I know I can't force the issue for selfish reasons. I'll admit I've come close a few times....to the point where I've laid out every possible trigger, while holding back from telling others what I know about their and my childhoods.

The result is always the same. Either they don't remember at all or they remember a fragment yet believe that we fought off the bad guys and lived happily ever after. Even in the moments we were being assaulted, this was by design. Often, in their alter states, they would say such things as "X years from now when you start remembering this, don't try to talk to me about it. I'm not going to remember it. Even if you bring up the fly on the wall they're going to make me stare at while they assault me."

That's an interesting thing to say, isn't it? It isn't your friend's words, it is that of the handler. It's almost like a dare. Go ahead and bring that up and see if it gets you anywhere. Usually something like that gets you nowhere and the only way to wake anyone up is to approach them like a sibling or other family member. A direct confrontation about the abuse. And this is why it's difficult for survivors to wake each other up. You would have to go to your friend and say "Your father was a pedophile, your mom was on drugs, you were sexually trafficked, and it's still happening."

If they are living a good life it will be difficult for them to want to confront that information. They may never do it. If they have kids, it turns into a generational problem.

I think back to the time I was around 6 or 7 years old. My own mother was trapped by her family history and didn't know how to leave the situation we were all in. I had been filmed for another child porn movie the night before and subsequently had a dream involving a lightning bolt splitting the tree of life. When I woke up from it, I looked out my bedroom window and saw that my mother and brother were outside in the front yard having a heated discussion about something.

Seeking comfort, I got dressed and went outside. By that time, my brother had taken off for work. I told my mom about my dream and she said "None of that stuff is real. It's just what they're doing to control you about...what they're going to do."   I asked what that was and what she was so worried about. She said "These people are thinking about taking down some office buildings in New York about 21 years from now. They want to hit them with planes. I don't know if I believe it. I don't really want to believe it."

And there you have it. Anecdotal evidence of the 9/11conspiracy dating as far back as 1980. But only if you believe the stories of survivors who have been cheated of proof.  If I were to ask her about it now, she would say she doesn't remember this just as she doesn't remember the 1,000+ times I was trafficked. I would literally have to tear my own mother apart to bring down her walls as a witness. And to satisfy the skeptics, I have to tear my own self apart to dredge up memories of people, places and names that someone could connect through traditional research in a public library. To create more evidence and a whole chorus of people such as myself, I would have to bring emotional chaos into the lives of friends who survived along with me. For this reason, I say that I alone..none of us alone..can ever bring the truth to light.  Those who research this subject must double down and put enough threatening (in terms of exposure) information out there that we reach a critical mass that forces our own government to come clean. Until then, enjoy Disneyland.

I have been posting at random based on what comes to mind and will probably continue to do so until I have an actual readership for this blog who can ask me to speak about specific topics. One thing I would like to address is what it feels like when you first go into the Monarch program and how it affects your early years.

First, some background...

My memory work leads me to believe a few things. The first is that both my parents as well as their parents, extended relatives, etc, were victims of multi-generational abuse. Some of them were involved in organized criminal activity. And many of them were also in the military. It seems like there was some type of cross-over between  military service, CIA connections and organized crime connections.

It also seems like there only needs to be one thread pulled. If even any one person meets all criteria, then they are like the catalyst that gets the entire family involved in the MK Ultra program. To be honest, the higher level researchers are kind of lazy. It is too risky to just go out and point to someone and say "I want to put you in this and study you."  It is easier to choose people from families where bad things are already happening.

In my case, it seems that certain people were involved in organized crime and some of those people were former Air Force and possibly CIA, but with an affection for Communism. The rest of the family tried to live it's life while these people continued to go deeper and deeper into the rabbit hole they were creating for themselves. It was inevitable that they would get the rest of the family held hostage to the system.

I know that things went on with my older siblings who have, respectively, 14 and 12 years age difference on me.  I can remember being in a motel room and, prior to being assaulted, one of the perpetrators said "This is the same place we used to take your sister. at your age."

It is hard to piece together because it seems that there are always degrees of involvement. It seems to me that my siblings were abused but not to the same extent that I was. I don't know if that is because things weren't as intense for them at the time in terms of who was involved or whether their personal psychological make up just didn't fit what the programmers were looking for.

Speaking to that idea, there is a memory I have from when I was really young..under the age of 7. I was with my mom, laying in the grass and looking at the clouds. She was teaching me to find shapes in the clouds.Not hard for her to do since she is very visual and loves art.  She said to me "Your sister didn't really have it. Your brother sort of had it. He has trapped a lot of monarch butterflies. That's what you're going into. It's called the monarch program."

I'm just sort of summarizing here, those may not be her exact words. The impression I got at the time was that there was something special going on that had to do with willingly participating in unusual research into human behavior. It made sense to me as a child. Based on what she was saying I could understand my sister not wanting to behave clinically. I could understand my brother being more open to scientific exploration. But what I could not understand was what in the @#$%! I had to do with it.

My sister was being trafficked. My brother was being trained into the typical male role of trafficker and programmer. What was I being trained to be?

But this is where some of the first stages of programming may have kicked in as I was told I had something that these people wanted. I was my mother and father on steroids. Seeing images where there were none. Longing for nature and the past without a clear sense of the future. Making split second survival decisions without regard for the consequences.

Would I be like them? Probably. If someone came along and forced me to be.  Whatever you do as a parent, your kids aren't you until they are forced to behave the way you would. That's part genetics and part your guidance, but I digress for now.

The important thing is that I was introduced to Monarch by my own mother in the context of us just relaxing and enjoying the sky. This was a learning moment. I did not forget what it meant to find shapes and pictures in otherwise ambiguous objects.  Many trauma sessions that followed put me in situations where I would seek out something visually familiar....maybe I'm getting assaulted on the bathroom floor and decide to focus on the weird wall paper in the room...maybe I'm staring at the popcorn ceiling and decide to find patterns in the bumps. As jaded as it sounds, it's something to do while the adult who is abusing you "finishes'.

These types of visuals are what the programmers can use to trigger you in other environments. It is pretty hard to avoid seeing shapes or words in things like popcorn ceilings, old wood, or any ambiguous visual field. You may not know that you are seeing it. But their goal is for everything around you to remind you of  past trauma whether you feel up to remembering or not. Go grocery shopping, go to the doctor, go see a friend, It doesn't matter, Triggers are there visually. They're probably there in what you listen to on the radio. In street signs. License plates. It doesn't matter. If they are determined, then your whole existence is one big trigger.

Eventually, the programmers and other perps don't even have to be in your life anymore for the triggers to keep working. To the extent that you haven't healed the past, you will see it all around you in the present. You could pick up and leave a familiar place, start over, but it won't matter until you deal with the triggers on a language/image level. These people can and will use predictive programming and expose you to future movies, music, tv shows, news stores, crossword puzzles, books you might want to read...to where it's like your whole world has turned into an aquarium over which they have ultimate control. What seems like a new, fun movie or tv show to your neighbor is actually something created 20-30 years ago and the CIA will expose you to the content and associate triggers with it, ensuring it still bothers you decades later when you're just looking for some mindless distraction.

You might say "Well, I'll do something else then. Something physical. Maybe I'll start a garden." If they expect this from you, they will have already layered in irritants about this, too. Perhaps you will hear them making lewd, suggestive comments about past trauma whenever you have to "bend over" to work in the garden.  It's something that normally wouldn't bother you, but can definitely become an issue if you are being actively triggered by them to start remembering the past.

More specifically, there are many hobbies and activities I have enjoyed over the years without any stress up until I reached the date that my 'deterioration program' was scheduled to begin. Since then, it has been difficult for me to just do me without hearing their secondary running commentary about everything I'm doing.

In order to defeat this type of programming you really have to find a way to advance in life. Move up the ladder, so to speak. But since that is exactly what they don't want you to do, it can feel very difficult at times.  If your programming is tied to a place or a work issue that requires money and years of experience to escape...it's a pretty dire situation. If that's where you are, as I am, all I can say is pray for the best. If you're just stuck around triggering individuals, however, you've got it a lot better. It is much easier to end a relationship than to escape the cycle of poverty.  But ending certain relationship may be key to ending the cycle of poverty as well, especially if you're dependent.

Sadly, in my case, I could've moved to the North Pole and the CIA still would have found me, raped me and programmed me, left me a hollow shell, and then pointed and laughed at how I'd given up the love of my complicit family.

This level of control is why we need disclosure. I'm sure there are other people out there who have had their lives totally manipulated. Some day the truth will be known. It may not set me free in time, but maybe someone else won't have to go through this.

The Art of Remembering: Your Story, Other Surivors Stories

I was reading through a couple of interviews with MK Ultra survivor Kathleen Sullivan this evening. If you would like to read them, the links are here:

Hidden Mysteries: An Interview with Kathleen Sullivan

Democratic Undergound: Interview with Kathleen Sullivan

One thing I really liked was how straightforward she was about her experiences as well as the fact that she knew to draw boundaries around possible interpretations others might make about those experiences.

What struck me the most, though, were her comments on 'memory contamination.'  As I read her story, I recognized a lot of the same tactics and experiences in our shared state as survivors, but from a very general perspective. She has her memories, I have mine. Her belief is that survivors should not share explicit details about memories or read the stories of other survivors prior to doing their own memory work. She believes that this might contaminate one's own recall. She shared a story about having a memory come up and hearing that another survivor experienced a similar trauma - at which point she started to feel that she could not separate the two memories.

Personally, I believe that this is a very individual thing. I also believe that it can be useful to find out someone else experienced a similar trauma if for no other reason than the perpetrators are somewhat like robots and prefer to use the same methods over and over again. It is entirely possible for them to do to you what they did to someone else. Perhaps that person will remember more details of the process than you do. That doesn't mean you are making it up. It just means that they can help you fill in the gaps.

The details are good for forensic and legal purposes, and I don't think people should trouble themselves about whether what they recall is true, regardless of whether it took the prompting of a fellow survivor to jog their memory. What's important for healing is how YOU felt. What did the experience say to you?  How did you feel about yourself, your family, your friends, your handlers, etc? What belief entered your mind at the time and how is it affecting your life?

When I think of this idea of memory contamination I am drawn to parallels involving things like war and natural disasters. Maybe you were out in the middle of hurricane Katrina while someone else was holed away in their house. You remember running to the public shelter where the whole roof collapsed. Your friend remembers being inside their basement listening to radio reports. This does not mean that hurricane Katrina didn't happen.

It only means that you and your friend share an experience of a common, violent episode and you both had your own experience of it from a sensory standpoint. For someone to say that either or both of your memories is false is to deny the very heart of human experience through the senses. But this is what people do to Monarch/MK Ultra survivors. For us, the person in the basement listening to the radio was just imagining a disaster outside, having a bad dream, while the person seeing the roof cave in on the stadium must have an accurate memory because their experience was more intense and can be verified by outside sources.

That said, I can understand why Kathleen Sullivan feels the way she does. There's a dearth of accurate reporting and a dearth of treatment programs. The more you know about what you've been through, the more hesitant you are to say anything that leads another survivor down the wrong path. This won't be resolved until the truth comes out in a big way. For now, it does make sense to take a conservative approach in one's own retelling of this type of information.

I do my best in balancing that line with the things I post, however, I am a bit of a loudmouth and feel the need to push the boundaries just a bit. What I am starting to believe is that the truth will set you free. It is not programming to tell the truth about any experience. I have a memory and here is that memory. The only thing that should trigger anyone else is the extent of their own amnesia. This is something that one person cannot plan for and that is why I'd say 'read with risk in mind" as you read this blog. My memories may trigger yours and you need to be ready to deal with what comes up. If you feel like the information is too stressful, you should definitely take a break from it.

That is what I have done as I've explored this topic.It isn't always easy but I usually know when I am reading something that just isn't sitting right with me. If you start to feel exhausted when you are reading about this subject, give yourself a break. The fact is that it will probably draw you back at some point and you can pick up from there.