It's always Dr.G's words I hear through times like this. He had just finished raping me and we were standing around outside talking about "the paper". I was only about 15 or 16, I think. He says "I've never seen anyone try this hard to get someone to smoke."
So, to my handlers, yes, I got all your pre-planned words in my mouth out via multiple attempts at this post. You aren't allowed to dictate my thoughts, feelings or opinions on the illegal research experiment you're conducting on me.
Let's review, shall we?
3 years ago it was all about trying to force me off nicotine lozenges. I did not want to quit them and start smoking again. But that's what YOU wanted. So, you gangstalked me and made suggestions about how maybe I could quit lozenges by drinking alcohol instead.
I'm pretty sure I'm remembering correctly, for example, one of my runs to Wal-Mart to get the lozenges. A man and woman "just happened to be on the same aisle". I grab the lozenges and the woman looks out with a blank stare on her face. She says "Billy is using those..how's Billy?" The guy says "Not that great. Ought to kick back a couple of shots of scotch. Haha."
Purely coincidental "suggestion", I'm sure.
This shit went on and on and on until I caved and drank myself all the way to rehab.
Now here we go again with smoking. I finally caved for today on that. Funny, my willpower would've died anyways since I see now that you are putting images of cigarettes into my newsfeed while the TV simultaneously plays those anti-smoking ads where people have lost half of their face. Nice touch. Put the pressure from both sides on someone who literally hasn't had a break from ANYTHING for ALMOST 10 YEARS.
Bitches.
I guess your next diabolical plan is to try to get rid of my dog. Yes, he is a bit of a barrier to any job that requires going all the way into Dallas. Then again any job that I get is usually through you guys somehow and there are always perpetrators there, which I'm also not in the mood to put up with.
This is the whole boy who cried wolf thing again where this one last attempt at work would be the one that would be ok except now I refuse to even try. Or, I do try, and you've got the pressure going there, too, forcing me to quit, and feel even more hopeless. Nice touch.
So, just wanted to let you know, you suck, I hate you and I'm sick of your shit. I hope you know you're a failure and cry yourself to sleep at night.
Keep pushing me at your own peril. No guns, no violence. Just me running with any amount of power I get and using it to make the last miserable years of your lives even worse.
Monday, October 8, 2018
Monday, August 6, 2018
Crazy People
I haven't blogged in a while because I haven't had anything to say. This is mostly me shouting into an empty room since only a few people I know actually read these posts. The rest of the visits appear to come from bots.
In terms of sharing insights and recovery resources, the online community is woefully inadequate in certain areas. Most of my journey involves talking to other survivors. The results are great when talking actually works. I've got a couple of people I can talk to now who I trust and I'm thankful for that.
What I want to caution others about, though, is the risk involved in talking to people you would politically disagree with in every day life. I made a strong effort initially to talk to people who are more devout and conservative than little old liberal me. I thought that our status as survivors meant we could reach across the aisle, leave politics at the door, etc.
Turns out? Not so much.
I've never met a more fragmented, paranoid and self-serving group of people than exists on the conservative talking points side of whatever this movement is they think they're in. Everything is all about them and they are never "wrong" about anything in their view. They don't listen. They don't think critically. They frequently accuse others of doing what they are doing.
They also tend to drag people's names through the mud publicly with no basis in facts. The one person I'm thinking of seems to have stopped after I threatened to sue. I hated having to do that but it was getting ridiculous. I kept checking their posts to make sure my name was out of their mouth and was surprised to see their true colors all of a sudden showing with racist, misogynistic posts. Typical Trumpanzee, so I guess I shouldn't be surprised that they aren't the sharpest tool in the shed.
As for the rest, I think they'd have a meltdown at an American Sign Language conference. You know, so many hand gestures you don't know the meaning of and "OMG, deaf people are now in the Illuminati", LMAO.
Idiots.
In terms of sharing insights and recovery resources, the online community is woefully inadequate in certain areas. Most of my journey involves talking to other survivors. The results are great when talking actually works. I've got a couple of people I can talk to now who I trust and I'm thankful for that.
What I want to caution others about, though, is the risk involved in talking to people you would politically disagree with in every day life. I made a strong effort initially to talk to people who are more devout and conservative than little old liberal me. I thought that our status as survivors meant we could reach across the aisle, leave politics at the door, etc.
Turns out? Not so much.
I've never met a more fragmented, paranoid and self-serving group of people than exists on the conservative talking points side of whatever this movement is they think they're in. Everything is all about them and they are never "wrong" about anything in their view. They don't listen. They don't think critically. They frequently accuse others of doing what they are doing.
They also tend to drag people's names through the mud publicly with no basis in facts. The one person I'm thinking of seems to have stopped after I threatened to sue. I hated having to do that but it was getting ridiculous. I kept checking their posts to make sure my name was out of their mouth and was surprised to see their true colors all of a sudden showing with racist, misogynistic posts. Typical Trumpanzee, so I guess I shouldn't be surprised that they aren't the sharpest tool in the shed.
As for the rest, I think they'd have a meltdown at an American Sign Language conference. You know, so many hand gestures you don't know the meaning of and "OMG, deaf people are now in the Illuminati", LMAO.
Idiots.
Sunday, July 8, 2018
Tuesday, May 22, 2018
Saturday, April 7, 2018
A Youtube Course on Gangstalking
I found this guy on Youtube and he has some interesting videos. He's working on creating a course for TI's on dealing with the situation. If you can help him out, that would be great:
https://www.gofundme.com/educationongangstalking
https://www.gofundme.com/educationongangstalking
Friday, March 30, 2018
Pareidolia and Other Spy Tricks
Through sheer luck I was led to a site that put the scientific word to a phenomenon I'm well acquainted with and which contributed to a large amount of my government programming and memory recovery: Pareidolia. Pareidolia (also sometimes called 'Matrixing') is the phenomenon of seeing faces in things like trees, rocks, clouds, brick, etc. There is also an auditory counterpart.
It is well worth your time to read the entire Wiki on the subject:
Pareidolia
Now, in the context of MK Ultra, it was actually through an encouragement and training towards practicing pareidolia that I first learned about 'monarch programming'. My mother and I were laying on the grass in the front yard and looking at the clouds. She started teaching me to find faces, animals, all sorts of shapes. Then she told me that my older siblings had both been required to do a 'school project' of capturing monarch butterflies. I can't remember the whole conversation but I definitely got the impression that she wasn't talking about flying insects.
This learning was quickly trauma reinforced a few days later through a series of sexual assaults in rooms with busy wall paper. One of the assaults took place in a friend's house in the bathroom where the green-gold wall paper resembled lichen. When I mentioned this to someone in-the-know in my teen years she said it's because of the spelling: lichen=liken. What are you "likening" this experience to or "what, are you liking it, too?"
Over time, this simple blip of the brain is used by the intel agencies to store information. They tell you what faces to see, what writing to see, what sounds to hear so that they are like little conscious anchor points sticking out of each trauma iceberg. Although this may not be precise, it is somewhat like implanting a Rorschach test for later retrieval.
One retrieval tool I was taught to use is art. You can create your own field on which to project your subconscious simply by covering a section of paper with pencil. Shade a solid spot, erase part of it, shade over again at a different angle. Usually, the more you wear the paper out with repeated erasing and shading, the better. When you start to see forms and thin lines as you erase (they'll look like they're well worn and not erasable), this is usually when you start to notice something interesting. Just play with it from there.
I ended up going a step further due to additional programming my handlers did involving what they called "process pictures". There were pictures I drew as a child and teen that were anchored to specific sets of trauma memories. I did not remember them. That is, until I went from plain pencil shading to playing with other types of visual suggestion.
Initially, I felt great joy and satisfaction as I realized that I might someday be at least as good at visual art as my mom. However, in a classic CIA punch to the gut and ego, I quickly began to recognize these drawings as recreations from the past. It was as if they'd taken over my mind to the point I couldn't come up with any ideas for a subject without it ending up being one of these trauma pictures.
Not only that, one of the images was used while I was working on it as an attempt to trigger surveillance paranoia. I was sitting out at night on the patio (this is back when I still lived in Austin with a friend) and the porch light was on. I was enjoying the cool spring air while I worked on a pencil drawing involving fancy dressed cats walking through downtown.
I decided to be clever I would have them walking past "Katz's Deli". Katz's had two locations in Austin and the owner even ran for mayor one time. It was a 24 hour restaurant and it's motto was "Katz's Never Kloses'. Well, unfortunately, they did end up closing their famous downtown location.
As a joke I added a sign on my drawing that said "Katz's: Klosed".
Well, at the exact moment I did that, this group of guys a few yards away busted out into raucous laughter. I have no idea how this type of synchronicity is achieved in the program, but Occam's Razor would suggest it is probably a lot easier to achieve by actually putting me under surveillance.
It seems now that my handlers must not have wanted me to worry about whether people were watching me. My first reaction at the time was to look up. I had my sketchpad on my lap and due to that and lighting conditions, the only place a camera would capture what I was doing would had to have been right above me. I didn't see anything.
So, I started trying to "fill in the gaps" and that's when I remembered them telling me that I was so suggestible and robotic that they didn't need cameras or tracking in order to gangstalk me and do street theater. They made me believe that I was so robotic that I'd just show up where they needed me to be, even when I thought I was tricking them by doing things like going against my first impulse, altering my routines, etc.
That phase of the triggering was definitely hard for me. I knew I was being sensitized and it made me feel psychotically anxious. At the same time, though, I was kind of clinically fascinated with myself and very motivated to get to the truth and through the program because I understood it on a deep level to be a matter of life and death.
I think I might talk about this phase of my awakening in more depth in the next post. I feel I might be able to reverse engineer some of the negative advantages they gained in terms of, pardon my French, royally mind-fucking me. And that might even help some other people, too!
** I guess I should mention...this post, like many of my posts, is actually a "process post". Most of what I tell you all is something I already wrote as a teenager. I had some Canadian researchers talking to me about this at one point. "Coincidentally" then someone +1d me on my last post whose profile pic looked a lot like one of those Canadian Drs. Totally coincidence, of course......***thpptt!***
It is well worth your time to read the entire Wiki on the subject:
Pareidolia
Now, in the context of MK Ultra, it was actually through an encouragement and training towards practicing pareidolia that I first learned about 'monarch programming'. My mother and I were laying on the grass in the front yard and looking at the clouds. She started teaching me to find faces, animals, all sorts of shapes. Then she told me that my older siblings had both been required to do a 'school project' of capturing monarch butterflies. I can't remember the whole conversation but I definitely got the impression that she wasn't talking about flying insects.
This learning was quickly trauma reinforced a few days later through a series of sexual assaults in rooms with busy wall paper. One of the assaults took place in a friend's house in the bathroom where the green-gold wall paper resembled lichen. When I mentioned this to someone in-the-know in my teen years she said it's because of the spelling: lichen=liken. What are you "likening" this experience to or "what, are you liking it, too?"
Over time, this simple blip of the brain is used by the intel agencies to store information. They tell you what faces to see, what writing to see, what sounds to hear so that they are like little conscious anchor points sticking out of each trauma iceberg. Although this may not be precise, it is somewhat like implanting a Rorschach test for later retrieval.
One retrieval tool I was taught to use is art. You can create your own field on which to project your subconscious simply by covering a section of paper with pencil. Shade a solid spot, erase part of it, shade over again at a different angle. Usually, the more you wear the paper out with repeated erasing and shading, the better. When you start to see forms and thin lines as you erase (they'll look like they're well worn and not erasable), this is usually when you start to notice something interesting. Just play with it from there.
I ended up going a step further due to additional programming my handlers did involving what they called "process pictures". There were pictures I drew as a child and teen that were anchored to specific sets of trauma memories. I did not remember them. That is, until I went from plain pencil shading to playing with other types of visual suggestion.
Initially, I felt great joy and satisfaction as I realized that I might someday be at least as good at visual art as my mom. However, in a classic CIA punch to the gut and ego, I quickly began to recognize these drawings as recreations from the past. It was as if they'd taken over my mind to the point I couldn't come up with any ideas for a subject without it ending up being one of these trauma pictures.
Not only that, one of the images was used while I was working on it as an attempt to trigger surveillance paranoia. I was sitting out at night on the patio (this is back when I still lived in Austin with a friend) and the porch light was on. I was enjoying the cool spring air while I worked on a pencil drawing involving fancy dressed cats walking through downtown.
I decided to be clever I would have them walking past "Katz's Deli". Katz's had two locations in Austin and the owner even ran for mayor one time. It was a 24 hour restaurant and it's motto was "Katz's Never Kloses'. Well, unfortunately, they did end up closing their famous downtown location.
As a joke I added a sign on my drawing that said "Katz's: Klosed".
Well, at the exact moment I did that, this group of guys a few yards away busted out into raucous laughter. I have no idea how this type of synchronicity is achieved in the program, but Occam's Razor would suggest it is probably a lot easier to achieve by actually putting me under surveillance.
It seems now that my handlers must not have wanted me to worry about whether people were watching me. My first reaction at the time was to look up. I had my sketchpad on my lap and due to that and lighting conditions, the only place a camera would capture what I was doing would had to have been right above me. I didn't see anything.
So, I started trying to "fill in the gaps" and that's when I remembered them telling me that I was so suggestible and robotic that they didn't need cameras or tracking in order to gangstalk me and do street theater. They made me believe that I was so robotic that I'd just show up where they needed me to be, even when I thought I was tricking them by doing things like going against my first impulse, altering my routines, etc.
That phase of the triggering was definitely hard for me. I knew I was being sensitized and it made me feel psychotically anxious. At the same time, though, I was kind of clinically fascinated with myself and very motivated to get to the truth and through the program because I understood it on a deep level to be a matter of life and death.
I think I might talk about this phase of my awakening in more depth in the next post. I feel I might be able to reverse engineer some of the negative advantages they gained in terms of, pardon my French, royally mind-fucking me. And that might even help some other people, too!
** I guess I should mention...this post, like many of my posts, is actually a "process post". Most of what I tell you all is something I already wrote as a teenager. I had some Canadian researchers talking to me about this at one point. "Coincidentally" then someone +1d me on my last post whose profile pic looked a lot like one of those Canadian Drs. Totally coincidence, of course......***thpptt!***
Saturday, February 17, 2018
V2K and Electronic Harassment
I know I've posted on this before but feel like I might be able to give a better description by revisiting the subject. It's something that I'm familiar with in personal experience but tend not to focus on.
I think the reason for that is because it's an experience I don't enjoy revisiting. The V2K technology, for instance, was used to communicate with me in the context of a very dangerous situation. I automatically associate it with deep cover operations and trafficking and for that reason it brings back memories of some of my most fearful experiences.
But I would like to describe what the technology sounds like and how it was used with me. I am not sure how advanced things were back in the late 70's/ early 80's but that time period marked my first experience of voice to skull.
The voices were mechanical sounding. It was like someone had eliminated all of the high and low frequencies and focused on the mid-range frequencies of the human voice. The agents used this approach to try to reinforce UFO related screen memories. I think they believed that the more alien they sounded the more they might convince me that I was hearing communications directly from aliens. They even went so far one time as to have me look up to the sky at a cloud while they were talking to me, telling that that's where they were broadcasting from.
I have also experienced more human sounding voices, so I know they have the ability to transmit either way. The device they use seems to have a range of about 1.5 to 2 miles. The last time V2K was used on me (as far as I know) was around 2005 or 2006. I was trying to run by driving to Dallas and avoid being accessed. The handler present for that reprogramming was following me on the interstate. I heard his voice tell me I had to exit and turn around, that it would be easier to just get it over with because they weren't going anywhere until they were done with me.
He also mentioned the fact that he was about a mile behind me on the road. I find this very interesting because I did notice a degradation in the volume of his voice. I could hear him clearly enough but not at conversational volume and not without some signal fading.
Another feature I'v'e noticed about this technology is that they can selectively freeze your body in place while the communication occurs. I can recall more than a few times when the broadcast seemed to include a signal that induced something akin to seizure or partial paralysis on site. If they didn't want me to move while they spoke to me, then I didn't. If they did want me to move it seemed that the whole series of V2K instructions were simultaneously being carried out autonomically. I would find myself running, ducking and dodging sometimes ahead of their verbal commands.
I believe this information should cause everyone to pause and reflect on the real nature of MK Ultra. Someone who is not an MK Ultra survivor is not going to respond as easily to the technology, in my opinion I can state unequivocally that my experience of V2K was enhanced by traumas such as electroshock and rape. This is because the people communicating through this means made me well aware that they were also responsible for the electroshock and rape. So, when they told me to run or perform some other action, the sheer fact that their power extended to being able to talk directly into my mind put a fire under my heels.
Moving on to other types of targeting..I have had unexplained and sudden sunburn type symptoms on various parts of my body. I am not diabetic and do not suffer from neuropathy. During one phase of targeting I was dosed in my sleep with pseudomonas auregensis, the bacteria that causes an ear infection that turns ear wax blue. It is a very rare infection. The infection was "cured" by microwave targeting of my ears. Starting around 2011 I had severe heat and pain in my ears at night whenever I was on my pillow. I would wake up in the morning to what looked like cobalt blue ink staining my pillow. This is something that should have required antibiotics to treat but since I never sought medical treatment for the condition and it went away on its own I can only conclude that the infection was literally melted out of my ear canal.
To this day, I still have some strange auditory experiences. Once in a while I hear the sound of an old fashioned telephone ringing. It sounds as if it is coming from both the outside as well as somewhere in my attic. I've never been able to pin point the source. I frequently suffer from bouts of tinnitus and have also had nights where I hear constant static and beeping, like morse code.
I've spent a long time responding to these things medically, just chalking them up to allergies and infections. It seems the handlers appreciate that to a point and will shift tactics whenever the target takes the everyday, mainstream skeptics view of the situation, but the attacks never stop. They just shapeshift. One day you successfully handle EM harassment, the next they try to kill you in a car accident.
I think the reason for that is because it's an experience I don't enjoy revisiting. The V2K technology, for instance, was used to communicate with me in the context of a very dangerous situation. I automatically associate it with deep cover operations and trafficking and for that reason it brings back memories of some of my most fearful experiences.
But I would like to describe what the technology sounds like and how it was used with me. I am not sure how advanced things were back in the late 70's/ early 80's but that time period marked my first experience of voice to skull.
The voices were mechanical sounding. It was like someone had eliminated all of the high and low frequencies and focused on the mid-range frequencies of the human voice. The agents used this approach to try to reinforce UFO related screen memories. I think they believed that the more alien they sounded the more they might convince me that I was hearing communications directly from aliens. They even went so far one time as to have me look up to the sky at a cloud while they were talking to me, telling that that's where they were broadcasting from.
I have also experienced more human sounding voices, so I know they have the ability to transmit either way. The device they use seems to have a range of about 1.5 to 2 miles. The last time V2K was used on me (as far as I know) was around 2005 or 2006. I was trying to run by driving to Dallas and avoid being accessed. The handler present for that reprogramming was following me on the interstate. I heard his voice tell me I had to exit and turn around, that it would be easier to just get it over with because they weren't going anywhere until they were done with me.
He also mentioned the fact that he was about a mile behind me on the road. I find this very interesting because I did notice a degradation in the volume of his voice. I could hear him clearly enough but not at conversational volume and not without some signal fading.
Another feature I'v'e noticed about this technology is that they can selectively freeze your body in place while the communication occurs. I can recall more than a few times when the broadcast seemed to include a signal that induced something akin to seizure or partial paralysis on site. If they didn't want me to move while they spoke to me, then I didn't. If they did want me to move it seemed that the whole series of V2K instructions were simultaneously being carried out autonomically. I would find myself running, ducking and dodging sometimes ahead of their verbal commands.
I believe this information should cause everyone to pause and reflect on the real nature of MK Ultra. Someone who is not an MK Ultra survivor is not going to respond as easily to the technology, in my opinion I can state unequivocally that my experience of V2K was enhanced by traumas such as electroshock and rape. This is because the people communicating through this means made me well aware that they were also responsible for the electroshock and rape. So, when they told me to run or perform some other action, the sheer fact that their power extended to being able to talk directly into my mind put a fire under my heels.
Moving on to other types of targeting..I have had unexplained and sudden sunburn type symptoms on various parts of my body. I am not diabetic and do not suffer from neuropathy. During one phase of targeting I was dosed in my sleep with pseudomonas auregensis, the bacteria that causes an ear infection that turns ear wax blue. It is a very rare infection. The infection was "cured" by microwave targeting of my ears. Starting around 2011 I had severe heat and pain in my ears at night whenever I was on my pillow. I would wake up in the morning to what looked like cobalt blue ink staining my pillow. This is something that should have required antibiotics to treat but since I never sought medical treatment for the condition and it went away on its own I can only conclude that the infection was literally melted out of my ear canal.
To this day, I still have some strange auditory experiences. Once in a while I hear the sound of an old fashioned telephone ringing. It sounds as if it is coming from both the outside as well as somewhere in my attic. I've never been able to pin point the source. I frequently suffer from bouts of tinnitus and have also had nights where I hear constant static and beeping, like morse code.
I've spent a long time responding to these things medically, just chalking them up to allergies and infections. It seems the handlers appreciate that to a point and will shift tactics whenever the target takes the everyday, mainstream skeptics view of the situation, but the attacks never stop. They just shapeshift. One day you successfully handle EM harassment, the next they try to kill you in a car accident.
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